A Mortified Mama

I haven't blogged previously about ButterBean's digestive system because I was hoping he'd get over his "problems". But, after yesterday's events, I needed to share! I will tell you the tale of my woes
A little History:
ButterBean was a VERY barfy baby. So barfy that I marvel at the fact that he grew! I'd say 3/4ths of whatever he ate came right back up.
When he has decided he is done eating, he will gag and spit out his food. We see a lot of gagging around here.
As he has gotten older he will randomly projectile vomit, look at it, say "Uh-Oh!" and walk away and go about his business. To ButterBean, a spontaneous explosion is just no biggie. I began to worry about this at his 15 month checkup when he had not grown a smidge since his 12 month checkup. After trying to figure out why he is throwing up and trying to correlate it to a food, we've given up and have an appointment with a GI specialist on Monday.
Sooooo, about yesterday. We had friends in from out of town and decided to invite them and another couple over for dinner. We've had them over once before, but it's like a once a year thing. Gatsby and I spent ALL day cleaning the house (it was in dire need of a deep clean) and making homemade enchiladas, and Mexican rice. ButterBean had a great appetite and had wolfed down his food for breakfast and lunch. Since dinner was going to be late, I fed ButterBean a half an avocado before the guests arrived.  By the time the two couples arrived, I was tired!
Things were going great, a little chit chat, beer/chips/salsa/guac were being consumed. Then ONE OF THE MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENTS OF MY LIFE occurred. ButterBean took a chip, nibbled it, ate a little more and crawled up on the couch. Something was excited to him because he proceeded to bounce on the couch a couple times. I saw his make his gag face.
I put my hand out to catch the food he would inevitably spit out. He spit out his chip and out came a little of the prior avocado.
"Oh no! Not here, not now!!" I thought. I have caught a lot of barf in my hand over the last year, so that was nothing new. (I've tried to save our carpet by diving in front of the falling barf and catching it, but at this point it is beyond help)
"Please don't barf in front of guests!"
This was no ordinary ButterBean barf. This was the Mt. Vesuvius of barfing. This was everything that he had eaten since breakfast vomit. And it just. kept. coming.
Imagine - one guest leaping off of the couch to get out of the line fire, me trying to contain ButterBean's spewage as he does NOT stop!, people yelling, and more barf! Just what you'd like at a dinner party right? I won't even list all of the places that we had to clean or the details of what it looked like (think the Excorcist!). Just know it was bad.
I whisked him off to the bathtub and to get some incidental chunks out of my hair while Gatsby tackled the couch.
Amazingly, our guests stayed for dinner (I can't thank them enough for eating after that ordeal) and we had a fun time. However, I am not having people over for a looonng time.
Monday we will hopefully get some answers from the GI doc, or at least start getting somewhere in this process. I can't take many more days like that. I recently had a trip to Trader Joe's that was almost as embarrassing and left me walking out with a shoeful of vomit. I've had my share of this!
And since no photos were taken of this event (duh!) I will show you the latest in ButterBean dance moves

Advice to an SRNA

Close to 30 months ago I found out I was pregnant. 
27 months ago I started school to become a nurse anesthetist. 
In that 3 month period of being pregnant and preparing to start school I scoured the internet for any kind of advice about going through anesthesia school pregnant/with a newborn and I could only find a couple of chats. I asked my school if there was anyone I could talk to that had gone through this before, but they had no names to give me (it's been done many times before, but they had no contact info). I talked to students in the class ahead of me and they encouraged me, but had no real advice for a new mother. 
SO, if there is any one out there in the same predicament and scouring the internet for advice on what you should do if you are going to have a baby in anesthesia school - here it is!

I can only speak for my program, so obviously it could be different elsewhere. I've already given this spiel to a few other people who have asked me and they appreciated the straight forward, no sugar coating truth.

1) It's doable. Not ideal, but doable. And it's worth it! My best advice and what I told every one who asked me if I was crazy for trying to juggle a new marriage, new baby, and anesthesia school is "I take it one day at a time". Of course, you need to plan ahead so you can study and what not, but if you look to far ahead it gets overwhelming. Just focus on getting through one test, one more doctors appointment, one more feeding, one more paper. It's much less daunting that way!

2) I would never have gotten through it without the help and support of my family and in-laws. I didn't want to have to put ButterBean in daycare when he was so little (I went back to class when he was a week old) and through the help of ButterBean's grandmas I was able to keep him out of daycare the entire time. 

3) You will be tired, so tired! If you didn't drink coffee already, you will. Oh yes will
If you want to be extra tired you can do what I did and work your regular ICU nursing job every weekend for the first 5 months of school while pregnant because you need your health insurance! I can look back now and say "What on earth was I thinking?" But, you gotta do what you gotta do!

4) You will have intense mommy guilt. Add in fun postpartum hormones and you have a recipe for an emotional merry-go-round! When you are studying, you feel guilty you aren't with your baby. When you spend time with your sweet bundle, you have the massive pile of books and future test looming in the back of your mind. 

5) If possible, find someone else in your class who has kids. You are going to to need someone to talk to who can relate to your situation. Other students (without kids or spouses) in your class will complain to you about how they just don't have time for this or that, or can't get time to study and you are going to want to jump across the table and smack them repeatedly saying "YOU don't have time? YOU are tired?!! Do you realize who you are talking to? A sleep deprived, emotionally racked, hasn't even been able to shower in three days, just spent her lunch break pumping breast milk crazy woman!" Usually, as soon as the words come out of their mouths, you can see they know exactly what they just said and they back-pedal with "But it's nothing compared to what you are dealing with"
Anyway, the point of that was to say, only other mothers with kids will understand the stresses you are going through. Your significant other and family won't understand anesthesia school (unless the are an anesthetist themself) and other students won't understand parenting. I have my study-buddy and we vent to each other all the time. It's quite therapeutic really!

6) Your husband MUST be 100% on board with this decision because he is going to be picking up slack. He is going to be dropping of baby with the grandparents or at day care because you are going to be getting up at 4:30 to be in the OR by 6am. He is going to have to watch baby while you hole yourself away with authors like Nagelhout, Miller, and Barrash. He is going to have to listen to you whine complain talk about your crazy day in the OR, hard test, or annoying coordinator. If he isn't supportive of you being in school, I guarantee it's going to fall apart. I've been told story after story of couples getting divorced during anesthesia school. Both of you have to be in on this together!

7) As far as taking time off - that will depend on what your school allows. Mine gave us 30ish days off to use how we wanted within the 27 months. We could work holidays to get extra days off later. Like I said earlier, I went back to class when he was a week old, but I didn't go back to clinicals until he was 5 weeks old. My body would not have tolerated going back any earlier. In all I only used 17 days of my vacation days for a "maternity leave". With the next kid, maternity leave is seriously going to feel like a vacation compared to this!

OK this is long enough. If I think of more I'll make another post. And truly, just contact me if you have any questions. I'd love to be of help.

I will post later about the study material I bought to help me with the SEE exam and to study for boards. I'll post that AFTER I pass, though.

Yes, I am "Mom Enough", thank you

A couple of weeks ago I read the article from the controversial Time magazine of the breast feeding mom with the title "Are You Mom Enough?". As soon as I saw the magazine come in the mail I knew I'd be reading that a.s.a.p.

The article is about attachment parenting and one of it's main proponents, Dr. Sears.  I'll admit that my first thoughts about attachment parenting were jealous thoughts: wishing I could stay home with ButterBean and be little Suzy Homemaker. I was happy to find that even without knowing it, I've been using a lot of the attachment parenting methods. Really, I found that it's a lot of common sense.
My Experience With Attachment Parenting
First, I breastfed ButterBean for six months. A lot of things I've read about attachment parenting recommend child-led weaning, but being a busy mom who is sometimes gone for 24 hours straight, it wasn't going to happen...and he was a biter. I can't imagine still breast feeding him now with his 12 chompers. Kudos to those who do!

Second, we have a "family bed". We didn't plan it this way, but we've given up on the crib, and he just sleeps with us all the time. If we do end up putting him in the crib while he is asleep, I miss him and he only lasts an hour or so before he realizes he is alone. Then, I bring him back to our bed and give him an extra snuggle. I've read some of Mayim Bialik's philosophy about co-sleeping and really liked what she had to say about how natural it is to sleep with your child and how scary it can be to be alone as a child. See, I didn't fail at getting him to sleep in a crib, I succeeded at co-sleeping!

Third, I tried to carry him in a sling as a baby, but he wasn't keen on being "worn". He loves being held and cuddled, but not the confinement of a sling or carrier.

I am all for attachment parenting, however I was a bit offended by the title "Are you Mom enough?" Well, let's see here...yes...yes, I am thank you! Although I'd love to stay home with him everyday, it's not going to happen. Despite being gone frequently, we still have a healthy and "attached" relationship! I love every minute I get to spend with him when I'm home. I'd never recommend having a baby while in anesthesia school because it is difficult both with time management and with a mommy guilt complex, however, I'd never change my life and not have ButterBean!!!